Little Heartbreaker

Mate took Eliana to another follow-up cardiology appointment yesterday.  During her echocardiogram, the same two problems were still evident.  While the Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD) isn't a concern, we're not so lucky with the Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA).  The doctor will take another look at her in three months, but doesn't expect the PDA to close on its own since it hasn't already.  Ultimately, this means we'll probably have to go in for a procedure towards the end of the year.  I'm glad they can fix the problem with a relatively minor procedure, but I hate the thought of putting Eliana to sleep.  Having gone through surgery with Ava, I'm well aware of the worry that lies ahead.  

When Mate called to share the results of the echocardiogram with me, I felt my heart sink.  I know people face things that are much more difficult.  I know everyone has struggles.  I've accepted that this is ours.  I've tried not to complain.  With every bit of worrisome news we have ever received about the girls' health, I've had a positive attitude.  Well, for just a few minutes yesterday, I let myself be mad.  Why can't we just enjoy this little girl?  Why do our calendars have to be filled with doctor's appointments?  Why couldn't our struggle be something different?

I know everything will be fine.  I know we really don't have anything to worry about.  I also know that Eliana is perfect in her imperfection and we'll do whatever it takes to keep her healthy.

Safe in his arms.

I realize all of this is out of our control, but knowing that he is her daddy makes me feel just a little bit better.