Book Report

During her show, Katie Couric interviewed the author of this book and I thought it might be an interesting read.  There were some helpful hints surrounded by quite a bit of research.  I'll save you a bunch of time and summarize his main ideas for creating a happier family:

1. Communication is the most important part of a happy family.  It doesn't have to happen around the dinner table, but it has to happen.  Talk about ordinary things.  Talk about what is working within the family and what is not.  While you're at it, be intentional about vocabulary (the amount of words a child knows is a good predictor of future success).

2. Be smart about arguing.  The most important points are made within the first few minutes. Use I instead of you. Sit side-by-side. Take five minutes if you need a break.  It's important women know that they are understood (isn't that the truth?!?!).  This chapter also included some good advice about handling conflict between siblings. 

3. There are important steps to take prior to talking to children about the birds and the bees.  Teach them the correct names of body parts right away.  Let them see flirting, hand-holding and g-rated kissing between you and your spouse.  If you're a dad of girls, don't shy away from puberty discussions.  Girls need to know that they can count on their dads to pick up feminine products when the need arises (okay, so this is one case where I think "poor Mate" may apply). As someone who tends to embarrass easily when it comes to these sorts of discussions, I found the research in this chapter to be very valuable.  It's really all about modeling healthy relationships, direct information and a willingness to discuss topics that might be uncomfortable.  This chapter also stressed the importance of physical and emotional intimacy in adult relationships, but you'll have to read it yourself to find out more. 

4. If you're lucky, grandparents play an important part in the lives' of your children. According to the author, their desire to be involved and our desire for their involvement can create conflict.  He suggests setting clear boundaries from the start (i.e. we will listen to your advice, but may not follow it and our house/our rules, your house/your rules). If any problems arise, the blood relative of the offending party handles the situation.  Luckily, we don't have parents who give unsolicited advice and we're pretty laid back about what happens when the girls are with them. Whether it's cheese puffs for a morning snack at my mom's or undiluted juice at my in-law's, we throw our own rules out the window when it's grandparent time.  

5. The last chapter focuses on getting out and having fun as a family.  To be honest, by the time I got to this part of the book, I was losing interest.  I do remember that there were quite a few tips about reducing stress during family vacations, so anyone planning a summer getaway might find that part helpful.

I wasn't looking for a book to help me create a happier family, but a few things the author discussed during the interview sparked my interest.  Much of what I read served as reassurance that we're making good choices for our family, which is just as valuable to me as the new ideas I can take from the book.