Wife Confession #1

Recently, Mate and I were talking and something I had been thinking was confirmed.  Somehow we got on the subject of what he sees me as and his response was a mom, then a maid, then a wife.  Now, that maid part wasn't derogatory and we don't operate likes it's 1950, so don't get all worried.  Mom, then maid, then wife.  Sounds about right to me.  On the flip side, I see his roles in a similar order: provider, then dad, then husband.  Problematic?  Perhaps, but we're working on it.

We both see our children as the first priority, but work for Mate is demanding and sometimes that means he misses events or answers patient phone calls during dinner or spends time on the weekends grading.  It also means that I encourage his free time to be spent with the girls or relaxing, while I go about the never-ending to do list.  There isn't a whole bunch of left over time, energy or opportunity for us to forgo those roles so we can just be us.  I'm sure some couples are able to accomplish this without much difficulty and I applaud them.  I am also sure that some well-meaning people will tell us we have to put each other first.  While I understand the sentiment, it doesn't actually help.  In our world, children and jobs don't care so much that we haven't had a date in months or that we're too tired to plan one. 

When we were on the airplane from Orlando, a guy around our age asked Mate if all our kids were his and then couldn't help but follow up that question with a dumbfounded "how old are you?".  28 . . . 28 . . . we're only 28.   It's moments like those that remind us how much responsibility we have taken on at a relatively young age.  Most of the time, it all looks like it's wrapped in a pretty package, adorned with a bow.  A lot of the time, that's true.  We have our routine down, our children are healthy and happy, our bills are paid, we make each other laugh and appreciate the time we do get to spend as "us", but there are also times when being third on each others lists isn't so much fun.

You may be asking why this post? why now?  No reason in particular, except that I appreciate when I read something I can relate to.  I know some other moms/wives out there are going through the exact same thing.  I also know that being truthful is more important than pretty boxes and shiny bows.  

While our girls did this at the Magic Kingdom . . .

. . . we seized the moment and sat down for a quiet dinner together