Our Littlest Heart

On Monday, Mate and Eliana went on another date to to the Cardiologist's office.  This time, the appointment was with a specialist to make a final decision regarding surgery.  While they were away, the older girls and I ran a few errands in an attempt to pass time quickly.  When Mate called, the first words out of his mouth were, "It looks like we'll be making another trip to Rainbows".  I wasn't surprised by this statement, but my heart sank just a little.  Mate informed me of all the details and I began planning for the procedure.  We have so much trust in the doctors and nurses at Rainbows.  We lived there for over two months and had a positive experience during Ava's surgery almost two years ago; however, something is different this time.

I know when we get to the point where we have to hand Eliana over and walk away, she is going to have a major meltdown.  There is literally a yellow line on the floor that parents must stay behind. You just hand your kid over and watch them get carried away.  That is awful . . . really awful.  Thankfully, Ava was a champ and went without a fuss.  That won't happen this time.  I will watch my child reach for me.  Her lower lip will turn down, she'll pout and then she will cry.  I will look at Mate and make him promise she will be okay.  He'll promise, even though we both know there is nothing we can do in that moment to protect her.  We'll wait.  Wait as our daughter is put under general anesthesia.  Wait as a catheter is inserted into her body.  Wait as a small coil is put in place to close the opening in her heart.  We'll wait and remind ourselves that this is our struggle. 

After the procedure, Eliana will be forced to lie still for six hours.  She won't understand why I can't hold her in my arms and I will feel helpless.  We will stay overnight with her while she receives three rounds of antibiotics.  I will be her comfort; Mate will be her protector. I will be thankful as I watch her daddy check over each medication, ask all the right questions and make important decisions about her care.  I have every confidence that we can handle this, but I won't mind one bit if October 28th is the last time we find ourselves admitting one of our children to the hospital. 

Worth every worry