Party of Five?

I went through my entire pregnancy preparing for it to be my last.  The nausea, exhaustion, and constant worrying were reminders of why a fourth child isn't in our future.  Eliana is supposed to be the child that completes our family.  However, every time I snuggle her little body in my arms, kiss her round cheeks or watch her sleeping peacefully, I struggle to accept that these moments are fleeting.  How do I get my brain and heart to coexist in harmony again?

In an effort to convince my heart that my brain is right, I'm writing down some of the reasons we made the decision to be a family of five:

1. Besides the everyday cost of living, we have to be realistic about the cost of preschool, activities, travel expenses, college tuition and weddings in our future.  We feel confident that we can provide these things for all three of the girls.  Adding to our family may require us to sacrifice how much we can give to the children we already have. 

2. Pregnancy and I don't get along very well.  I know I don't want to go through that again.

3. While we may not know what it's like to "pop-out" perfectly healthy children, I am thankful that the medical issues we've faced are short-term.  I don't want to push our luck.

4. The worry that comes along with each child can be over-whelming.  When we were told about Eliana's heart, one of my first thoughts was that there is only so much I can handle.  I think I've reached my limit.

5. Upsetting the balance in our home isn't my cup of tea.  Eliana has fit nicely into our routine, but the moments that haven't gone well are not ones I want to relive.

6. Mate is sure that three children is the right number for us.

7. We'd like a full nights sleep at some point.

8. I'd like showering on a regular basis in my foreseeable future.

9. We can all fit in both of our cars.  One more kid would mess that up.

10. The terrible twos. . . one more round of this phase is plenty.

There is no way to say for sure what our future holds, but I can say, with complete certainty, that my goal for now is to soak up every moment of baby bliss.