A Bump in the Road

As you've all come to know by now, I am a planner.  It should come as no surprise that Mate and I have discussed adding to our family at length. We didn't want too much of an age difference between the girls and a new baby.  I wanted to try and avoid major holidays, if possible.  We hoped to be successful without Clomid.  After taking all of that in to consideration, we decided a Fall baby would be ideal.  Our last go at conceiving wasn't exactly easy, so we were pleasantly surprised to get three positive pregnancy tests after just one month.  We held tightly to our little secret (my mom was the only one to know we were expecting a September baby).  As our 8 week ultrasound approached, I began spotting.  My doctor wasn't worried and told me to take it easy.  I think my mother's intuition kicked in immediately, because I knew something wasn't right.  Days before our 8 week ultrasound, I miscarried.

This hasn't been quite as difficult as one might imagine.  Mate and I had a few weeks of uncertainty, which prepared us for this outcome.  The worrying about what was going on was actually worse than the realization that the pregnancy was over.  We were attached to the idea of having another baby, but not ever seeing an ultrasound picture or hearing a heartbeat protected us from feeling greater sadness.  Of course, we're incredibly disappointed, but are choosing to stay positive.  We are healthy, happy and in love with our little girls.  Things have come relatively easy for us and we've known that eventually things weren't going to go our way.  This is our struggle.  Fortunately, if there is one thing worth any disappointment, sadness, frustration, longing. . . it's this. We don't feel bad for ourselves.  We don't question why us.  The battles other people face on a daily basis are far worse than anything we have been through.  We're making lemonade out of lemons:

1. More time with just Mia and Ava
2. They will be more independent by the time a sibling comes along
3. We don't have to transition them out of their cribs as soon
4. I won't be 6 months pregnant during our 12 hour car ride to Hilton Head this summer
5. Mate won't have to miss his most important pharmacy conference

Hopefully we'll have better baby news in the coming months...stay tuned!

P.S. I am willing to share my experience in more detail, but a public blog didn't seem like the right forum.  I read a lot of message boards, but wish I would have been able to talk to someone who has gone through something similar (although, I am glad that I don't know anyone who has had a miscarriage).